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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Dear Little Lori...

I have thought about this a lot, what would I say to "me", if I could go back in time.  So here it goes...



Dear Little Chubby Lori,

I want you to know that no matter how hard things get in your life, don't ever doubt your worth.  The world can be a very cruel place at times, especially for an overweight child.  People are going to say some pretty mean things that will hurt you, more than you ever thought possible.  When you walk in to kindergarten class for the first time and kiss your mommy good-bye, this will unfortunately start the end of your innocence.  You will start to see that no matter how hard you try, people will still be mean.  You will walk in that class with your pretty little head held high, but as the days go by, your sweet little face will start to droop.  When things get hard, just remember that you have the most amazing parents that love you more than life itself.  And when you ask them why people make fun of you, they will hug you and tell you, "because they are jealous".  They will always try and keep things positive.  They will tell you how pretty you are and how sweet and smart, you are.  They are the two people in the whole world, that love you and think you are perfect, NO MATTER WHAT.  You will be a mama's girl and a daddy's girl.  You will ALWAYS feel safe at home.  It will be a place for you to really be "you".  You will feel free here.  You will act silly and have the time of your life.  This is your safe place.  Your mom will go on all kinds of diets with you, even though she doesn't need to lose weight.  She will cheer you on and offer you some fun rewards, if you hit your goals.  Your daddy will even put on some sweats and do Jane Fonda workouts with you.  At home, you won't feel like some disgusting pig.  You know the pig that people in the real world, make you feel like you are.  Your sisters and you might fight and call each other names, but know this....they love you more than anything in this world.  They will NEVER let anyone hurt you.  You may not realize it, but they love you no matter what your size is.  They love you because you are funny and sweet and goofy.  They will be your true best friends.  The kind of friends that will NEVER EVER hurt you.  Sometimes you won't even know this, but they are your biggest cheerleaders.  Just because they are naturally thin and beautiful, doesn't mean they can't relate to your struggles.  No one is perfect, they too have things they struggle with.  When you all grow up and become mommy's you will learn to appreciate each other even more.  You will have fun girl's weekends together and see just what real friendship is. 



When you are in school and the kids make fun of you, just remember, they too have things they struggle with.  If they didn't, they wouldn't bother trying to put all the negative attention on you.  And when you meet that boy that you think likes you....he does, he just can't let his buddies see it.  I know this will break your heart, but you WILL get over it.  You will stand at the kitchen sink with the best guy in the whole world, your daddy.  He will tell you, "honey, guys are assholes".  This will stick with you.  If the most perfect and loving man says this, it must be true.  He will hug you and tell you that it will all be OK.  And guess what, it will.  It just takes you years to figure this out.  And when you get married to that horrible man that hurts you physically and mentally, your daddy will about lose it.  He will have to be asked to not go to divorce court with you, in fear of what he might do.  He will tell you and your sisters, "No one hurts my girls".  This too, will stick with you.  And when you go to court that day, your mom will be by your side and you will hold your head up high.  THIS...is a good day, it's the first day of the rest of your life. From that point on, you will start to change.  And we are talking BIG changes.  You will start to get your weight in control and start living your life.  You will reconnect with some amazing friends and start having the time of your life.  You will still get made fun of, at times.  BUT....you are learning to handle it better.  You are seeing that it's not you that has a problem, it's them.  They are even more miserable that you thought you were.



The one thing you will take away from ALL that you have been through, is this.  DON'T EVER JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER....EVER.  You will see a super skinny girl and learn that her life is NOT perfect.  She just might be one of the most unhappy people you will ever meet.  She could have an eating disorder and an awful home life where she is made to feel ugly.  You will also meet "big" girls that are 100% happy and healthy.  You will see that just because someone has some extra weight on them, does not mean they aren't happy.  Too many people think that overweight people are miserable.  THEY ARE NOT!  When someone approaches you and is automatically judging you, remember, they are just judging your "book" by its "cover".  Just smile and kill them with kindness.  They will realize, you really are a great person.


You will get to a place where you are 100% content.  You will be a mommy, a wife a friend, sister, aunt and daughter.  And you will be good at it.  It might takes some years to perfect, but you will be GREAT! And one thing you never saw coming, you will share your story with others and you will meet some AMAZING women.  Women that you will connect with on such a wonderful level. Women that will inspire you!  And...you will inspire them.  You will touch their lives.  You will show them that no matter how hard life gets, you can get through it.
In closing, I just want you to know that every single thing that happens to you in life, happens for a reason.  There is a plan for you so don't EVER regret a thing.  Life is short, so please live, love and laugh...especially laugh at yourself.  And remember, it's OK to fail, just get back up on that horse as many times as you need to.  One day, you will stop falling....

44 comments:

  1. Thank you for posting this I think this was an awesome post! I have often wondered what I would say to my younger self. Thanks for being so inspiring.

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  2. Just started following your blog/instagram two weeks ago. Not sure how I found you, but I'm so glad I did. Seems you have come a long, long way and from what I see in pics you look down right amazing and healthy and happy! I'm on a journey to lose 50lbs (down 30 now) from having my first son three years ago and my daughter, who was stillborn almost nine months ago. It's a process that's hard along with my grieving but I already feel SO much better and am finally in a good place, even though I want to lose at least 20 more lbs.
    Just wanted to say hi and introduce myself since I follow you :)
    Liz Dean
    lizdeanski.wordpress.com

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    1. Hi Liz!! Well I am glad you found me! And I love to hear from my readers! It makes my day! Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your sweet words! I am so so sorry for your loss. I just cannot imagine what you went through. I am so glad you are feeling better and are in a better place. Congrats on the 30 lbs down!! That is AWESOME!! You should be so proud!! :)
      Thank you again!
      xoxo

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  3. Love you girl! This is so sweet. Hindsight is 20/20. But would you ever take anything back? I wouldn't. God has a plan! He tests the best people because he knows they will prevail ;)

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    1. Love you too!! And no way would I change a thing...it all happened for a reason! I am a true believer in God's plan! xoxoxo

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  4. i love this... i wish i could go back and give myself some advice!!

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    1. Thank you!! It was hard to write, but I am glad I did. It was very therapeutic. xoxo

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  5. You gotta love those daddies. I got tears in my eyes when you talked about your dad and how mad he got. My dad would be the same way. I love my dad more than words! I am so glad your family has been so AWESOME to you!! Things may get rough, but your family will always be there!!

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  6. Girl you always cut me to the core. Love this and you!

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  7. Your words sum up exactly how I feel about my youngest daughter who is almost 6. She is 2 years younger than her sister but outweighs her by 10 lbs at least. I'm trying so hard not to freak out about her being the chubby girl and slowly transforming our family into healthier people. It's hard enough to get myself on the right track of healthy eating & exercising let alone 3 other people too. I don't ever want my girls to feel the way I did growing up -- insecure, no self-esteem, always comparing myself to any other girl I passed by. How do you achieve this without driving yourself crazy is what I ask myself everyday. Thanks for your posts. I relate to them much more than I'd like to admit.

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    1. Becky, I know exactly how you feel. I have a 6 year old daughter that I want to just hide from the cruel cruel world. Kids today are so mean. It's like they just don't care. And unfortunately so many of them have parents, that don't care. It is SO hard, not driving yourself bonkers! My daugher is a tiny little thing and I pray she stays that way, because I do NOT want her to go through what I did. I had two super skinny sisters and it was SO hard, being the fat one with the pretty face. BUT....I had amazing parents and you sound like an amazing mama, so your little girl will be OK, I promise you! And...you will find the perfect balance, I just know it! xoxo

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  8. Your amazing, Lori! I sit here in tears because this story sounds just like mine, but I'm almost half your age & still in the middle of the fight!! I'm exhausted!! I'm so tired of hating myself!! I just want to be happy once in for all! To be free of these ugly heavy very deep scars!
    Brooklyn- browneyedgem.com

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    1. Thank you Brooke!! You can do it, girl!! I know how hard it is and believe me, I gave up SO many times!! BUT...you have more fight in you, than you will ever know. You will get to that place where you are finally 100% content. I am sending you lots of love AND cheering you on!!! xoxo

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    2. You have no idea what this means to me! Thank you!! Xoxo

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  9. What a beautiful post!!! I struggle with a lot of the same issues you did, but mine is with lupus and not weight loss. I feel as though people look at me and see a perfectly healthy 32 year old girl that has a beautiful daughter and a wonderful husband. Most of that is true, but little do they know that this disease is literally eating my insides away and I am in pain everyday. I think about what I would tell myself to get prepared for this disease, and I honestly don't know that there is any preparation. Thank you for sharing your story. Maybe I will do the same someday!!

    Happy Wednesday!!
    Tiffany
    lupieforlife.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you for such sweet words! And..for sharing your own stuggles, with me. Life can be SO hard a times. I remember so many times I just wanted to give up! I am sending lots of love and prayers your way, Tiffany!! Write the letter, when you are ready, it helps you heal...
      xoxo

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  10. Wonderful post! You brought tears to my eyes! Makes me want to go grab my girls at school and give them a big hug!

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    1. Awww..thank you!! Now go hug those babies!! xoxo

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  11. I cried and clapped and amen'd this post. Lori your story is so inspiring and this sweet letter you wrote your beautiful young self is precious. You are amazing and incredible. You are inspiring and I thank you for sharing your story with all of us. Hugs.

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  12. This in amazing post! I think every girl should write a letter to themselves. We through so much every year while were growing up and the world can be so cruel. Everyone has a story they just might hide it better than others. Thank you again for showing how beautiful you are on the outside AND the inside. Amazing story girl keep rockin!

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    1. Thanks, beautiful!!! I agree, every girl should do this! It helps in the healing process! I am just trying to really LIVE my life. Not take anything for granted. Like my mom always told me, no matter what you go through, it could always be worse! Aint that the truth!!
      xoxo

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  13. The saying "If I knew then what I know now" rings so true!! But that's not how life goes, we have to live it without knowing what is in front of us, but because of that reason we have to live it to the fullest and enjoy every moment, no matter what size our pants are! I can't tell you enough how much of an inspiration you are to me, I see how far you have come and how happy you are in your skin now and it truly gives me hope! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your story and for being an open book. You've changed my outlook, I am learning to love me for who I am right now in this very moment - not waiting until I am in a size whatever ... seriously, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

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    1. Love you girl!!! You are a true beauty inside and out! You will definitely get to that "comfort" point and when you do, you are never going back!!
      xoxo

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  14. This has to be one of the best posts I've ever read. I have a 14 year old who is gorgeous, smart, funny, athletic and...overweight. We are working together to be healthier and she's doing such an amazing job. I will make sure she reads this tonight.

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    1. Melissa, thank you SO much for that! IT sounds to me like you are an amazing mama and your daughter is just as amazing! I wish SO much people weren't so obsessed with what someone weighs. What matters most is what is going on, in the inside! But as I have learned, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. :) Thank you again, for reading and leaving me a message. xoxo

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  17. This is beautiful! I can't believe your Dad did Jane Fonda workouts with you that is the sweetest thing! I'm so glad you have supportive family:)

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    1. Hey girlie! Thank you!!
      Oh yes, it was a site to see, us doing Jane Fonda. But I would never have made it this far, without all of their love and support. I just wish everyone fighting a battle, had the same support system.
      xoxo

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  18. I am in tears reading this. You are amazing. That's all :)

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  19. Thank you for posting this! I have tears in my eyes. My son is about to turn 9. He has a bigger build (seriously...the boy could be a linebacker in the future) like my husband and has some extra weight in his tummy area too. Kids have made fun of him already. It breaks.my.heart. I make sure to fix him healthy food at home (we are working hard on the veggies) but I swear...he sneaks food, and there seems to be a party (at school) or holiday every week. UGH! Reading your words really makes me glad that I get him to walk with me (we take the dog out for power walks) 5 days a week but it also worries me because I know that he is going to struggle with this his entire life. It breaks my heart and keeps me up at night thinking about it. I am about to turn 40 next week (so I know how hard I have to work and I am only 10 lbs from my goal). I educate educate educate about food everyday but I hope that it will sink in for his future.

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    1. Melissa, it sounds to me like you are an AMAZING mama!! You are being supportive and proactive! That is all you can do. Kids are freaking awful! They are so cruel today! But...as I have learned, a lot of them get that nasty attitude from home. I was a food "sneaker". It is hat gave me comfort. UGH....why is that! Just keep on eaty healthy and moving, your son will get it all figured out. How can he not, when he has you cheering him on!
      xoxo

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  20. This is heartbreaking and empowering all in one swoop. Thank you for writing this!! Kids and people can be so cruel. It takes an amazing person to go through all you have and come out on top, thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thank you, Kelly!! So sweet of you to comment!
      The world can be so cruel. I learned the hard way, that it would never change. I had to learn to deal with it. But in the end, it just made me stronger!

      xoxo

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  21. This is a wonderful piece and brought me tears of happiness knowing you are able to move forward from your struggles and find happiness. Very inspiring!

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