Twenty years ago I was at my heaviest, 265+. Five years ago, I was at another high, 172, this is only because I looked at my medical records online. This was an eye opener! BUT...was it enough to make me get my ass in gear???? NOPE! Why???? Because all I was focused on was that effing # on the scale and the size of my effing pants!!! Seriously that was all I cared about. What is funny is when I was say, a size 12, I was SO not focused on that. When I first started on my weight loss journey back in 92, I was just focused on losing weight and getting healthy. I was setting out on a journey to have a healthy lifestyle. It was NOT about some #. I mean yes, I did say, "man I wish I could someday weigh in the 140's". But that was not my end goal. I only wanted to weigh that because hell, I hadn't weighed that since grade school! I know, I am a bigger girl, can't help it, I was made that way. I am tall, I have super long arms and broad shoulders. I also have thicker thighs, that is just how God made me. I also have big boobs. Well, not really anymore, but they are still not nubs! BUT...everything fits my frame. I will never be a twig! And I don't want to be. I LOVE being curvy, I really do. But 5 years ago, I let all of that be forgotten. I was obsessed with weighing what my license says (150) and being a size 28. I didn't care one bit about feeling good and being fit. Gee, wonder why I was stuck and miserable and started purging again....
BECAUSE..... I WAS IN IT FOR THE WRONG REASONS!!!!!!!!!! OMG why do we focus so much on people's "sizes", "#" wise???? Who gives a shit if Sally wears a 4 and Missy wears a 6 and Lisa wears a 14. All that matters is that they are happy and healthy. I wish the media would quit putting so much focus on that crap. Like in this week's People magazine, they show us what celebrities eat to stay slim. Are you F*CKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?! Let's see former Miss Alabama Katherine Webb eats 1,120 calories a day and she is 5'11. Now how in God's name is that healthy???? She is a tall girl, that needs calories to fuel that frame. I mean is that what young girl's should be striving for, starvation???? Then we have the absolutely stunning Kate Upton, who has graced the pages of Sports Illustrated Magazine, being called fat. OMG how many of us would kill for that figure! And then there is Ireland Baldwin who is also being called fat, because she is 6 feet tall with a body to die for. Seriously, this crap has got to stop. Why are they being called fat???? Ummm...because they have curves??? I have curves and god damnit I AM NOT FAT! I am fit and healthy! Who cares that I weigh 150 pounds or maybe a smidgen less, I am HEALTHY AND FIT! But.... if you go based on that #, I am fat. At the same time, I can wear a size 4. Hmmmm.... is a size 4 tiny, if you weigh 120 and HUGE, if you weigh 150??? I mean that is what it seems like to me.
I think if more people, set out to lose weight to be healthy and fit, more people would be successful at it. It's those numbers and media that f*ck it all up. To many of us want to hit a certain # goal. Which is fine, but that CANNOT be the only reason you are doing it. If it is, you are setting yourself up to fail. I know, because I have done it. I remember getting into my first pair of size 28's. They were William Rast and I was so excited. So here I was, I hit my "#" goal so I could stop trying. WRONG!!! And let me tell you, I started to back off the workouts and snacked more. And that just helped those lost pounds find their way back to my thighs and gave me back fat! This time around, it is all about being healthy and fit. Nothing more, nothing less. Yes, it feels AMAZING to fit in smaller clothes, but what feels even better, is waking up everyday and feeling good. Feeling good because I eat healthy so I can indulge, when I feel like it. Feeling good because I exercise, not five hours a day, just 20-40 minutes, 5-6 days a week. Feeling good because I know I am setting a good example for my kids. THAT is why I will succeed this time. Because for once, my head is in the right place. I am truly at a point, where I am so used to this lifestyle, I don't even have to think about it. I know what I need to eat, what I need to do to stay in shape and I know.... that I can have 3 pieces of beer bread, and not gain a pound. THAT....is a great feeling!
So no matter what your size is, rock the body God gave you. If it is still a work in progress, rock it every step of the way! Set goals, but don't let a pair of jeans or a bikini be the only reason you want to hit those goals. Make new skinny jeans, a sexy new dress or cute bikini be "rewards", for doing so well. Doing so well with your new, happy and healthy lifestyle, that is!!! :)